Lucifer had no real plan. He was curious, and a bit arrogant. But, mostly, he was bored. God had created the world. It was beautiful and harmonious. The fish swam, the birds flew, the animals ran through the green lands with rivers flowing and oceans full of life. All things great and small lived together.
But in its harmony, the world was boring. God’s world was boring. Its perfection was static.
God was nowhere to be found. Lucifer did not know where he had gone. He was probably off working on his next project, building infinity or coming up with an eighth colour. Lucifer was all alone. All alone looking down at God’s awfully boring creation.
And then Lucifer had a thought. Well, it started out as a thought, but then expanded to an idea and eventually became a plan that he began to act on.
The design was not hard. Lucifer stole many ideas from God’s creatures and then tweaked them a bit to make them his own. He began to call it ‘the Beast’. He made the Beast flexible, agile and strong, but not too much of any of these. He wanted the Beast to have to fight–just a bit–to survive.
With the form finished, Lucifer turned his mind to the trickier meta-physical. He gave the Beast all the basic senses and equal parts of hunger, passion, greed, pride, sorrow, rage and love. He made the Beast smart–very smart–but not smart enough to overcome any of these disparate emotions. He made the Beast conscious and self-aware, but–once again–not smart enough to know what to do with this. Finally, he made the Beast curious with a thirst to know and conquer everything it sees.
Eventually, after tweaking the Beast here and there for ages, Lucifer stood back and looked at his creation. The time had flown and he was thoroughly enjoying himself. He was very happy with what he saw before him, but something was missing.
The Beast needed a mate. All of God’s base creations procreated. Why should the Beast not do so too, thought Lucifer.
He shaped the Mate’s form as a sleek and sexy form of the Beast. Where the Beast was all squares, straight lines and sharp corners, the Mate was all soft curves and smooth, warm flesh. He made the Mate slightly smarter than the Beast, but also weaker than it. With the same set of diverging emotions and intellect as the Beast, Lucifer could not wait to see what elaborate mating dance these two creatures would come up with.
Finally, Lucifer was done.
He took the Beast and its Mate, and he led them from his dark lair into the bright, brilliant world that he had promised them. And there, just before he let them loose on the world, the Beast turned around and asked him a question.
“What are we?”
Lucifer smiled, hiding his fangs, “You are human. You are a man, and she is a woman.”
Frowning, the Beast stood there trying to understand this. Lucifer looked on in amusement. He had specifically built the Beast to never quite understand what that meant. In the background, its Mate was already looking hungrily around at the world. Lucifer could not wait to see what his dynamic creations got up to in this static, boring world.
Then the Beast asked a final question. It was the question that Lucifer had been waiting for.
“What are you?”
Lucifer’s smile expanded into a wicked grin so wide that he could not hide his fangs anymore.
“Me? Oh, I am God.”
God will be so pissed when he gets back, thought Lucifer. He could not wait.