Tag Archives: drug abuse

Bad Connection

“Of all the things that I regret,” she sighed, “I regret letting go the most. It was my choice, after all, but once made, you can’t take it back. You can’t go back. After walking the Dreamlands, the Slow World loses its shine. It is dull and cold, weighted like lead in water while I am used to floating across glimmering infinity. You just can’t go back after knowing what that feels like.”

She sighed again and took a long, slow sip of a luminescent tea before her on the table. Her eyes were unfocused and slid around the room, never quite focussing on anything in particular.

A man sat before her, cyborg-fingers fluttering across a holographic keyboard as he documented everything that he saw like some sort of journalist. He nodded at the glowing tea and, despite her glazed eyes continuously shifting, she smiled vaguely and replied.

“Jacking directly into your Conduit and the enhanced stimulation of your nervous system dehydrates you. You have to replace the spinal fluid as well as vitamins, minerals and other stuff. Do you know how most Dreamers die?”

Her eyes snapped into focus and looked directly at the man. Her eyes were eerily light-blue; apparently, eye color was lightened by long-term abuse of the Dreaming app. He seemed to shift, uncomfortable under her direct gaze and shook his head.

She smiled sadly, a glimmer of her old-self there. She had been beautiful once, long before the abuse had eaten into her body. And, as quick as it had appeared, it retreated and her old-self was gone again leaving behind the husk of a human that she had become.

“Dehydration,” she stated coldly, almost entirely detached from what she was saying and how it was relevant for her, “Eventually the Slow World is too much to bear and the Dreamer puts off disconnecting longer and longer and longer… Eventually, the Dreamer taps out as their spinal fluid burns away and their body dies of thirst. The last part of the body to die is the mind.”

She took another sip of the glowing beverage and the corner of her mouth curled upwards. She put the cup down and absentmindedly wiped her hand off on her dress as if the object were somehow dirty.

“It is hard disconnecting,” she sighed, “Very hard coming back to the cold, slow version of reality.”

The man nodded, his extended, spidery-fingers silently fluttering away.

“Do you know about Limbo?” she started, her eyes locking with his again, “There is a moment in the Dreamlands where the Dreamer is aware that they will never wake up again. Their body is dead but their mind has not yet passed. It lasts for about six minutes of Slow Time. They know that this will be their final dream and–do you know what most of them do?” she asked smiling and leaning forward, her unnaturally light eyes suddenly feverish in their intensity, “Do you know what they say happens to the Dreamers in Limbo?”

“No, I don’t,” the man monotones, his cyborg fingers pausing in mid-air, “What do you think happens?”

“Well, time, obviously, doesn’t move at the same pace in the Dreamlands as it does in the Slow World,” she started recounting, detached again, her eyes sliding across the room, unseeing as she spoke, “So the six minutes where the body is dead and brain is dying can feel like an hour or a day or, perhaps, even longer in the Dreamlands. No one really knows, as the Dreamland app isolates brain-body disconnections and puts them in a secure socket layer. Probably a good thing or else the Dreamlands would be littered with corpses, and that would not really be all that fun to upload yourself into… Anyway, I have a theory. Wanna hear it?”

The man nodded, his fingers pausing in mid-air.

“I think those in Limbo relive their own versions–” she paused and raised her hands to her face, then outstretched her arms and her eyes focused on her fingertips, “It is cold. My fingers are going cold. Why are my fingers going cold?”

The man smiled and nodded. Suddenly she noticed how he has no distinguishing characteristics. Where was this room and how did she get here?

The piercing coldness in her fingertips was creeping up her hands, and then her arms. Her legs were frozen now too. The room’s details were beginning to get fuzzy and the image of the man began to blur and swirl into a soup of pixels before her very eyes.

“Oh, god,” she heaved, as the coldness entered her chest, began to crawl up her neck and towards her brain, “Oh-my-god, I am in Limbo, aren’t I? Aren’t I!

She could hear herself screaming but there was no air in her frigid lungs anymore and the ice was seeping into her brain…

The pixelated-AI’s fingers stopped fluttering, he smiled vaguely and nodded. He then tilted his head to the side and spoke to someone or something not present in that room:

Account, Diana Rothshaw #1087752, closed and the Dream Rental Contract is duly terminated. Cause of account closure is Fatal Cerebral Collapse and the Dreamland Fun Corporation notes both its sadness at the client’s passing and its indemnity in this matter. The client’s signed disclaimer discharging the Dreamland Fun Corporation of full responsibility in the event of application abuse–which was obtained upon account opening–is attached to this file. This recording notes that it was the client’s own choice–attached wav-file where client admits this–despite the noted and communicated risks involved with the repeated use of the Dreamland application. Upload complete. Severing secure socket layer and formating Conduit connection. End.

And then the room was empty.

Flowers of Oblivion

“I can’t save you if you don’t want to save yourself,” said the voice on the other side of the phone. The line crackled and a monotonic voice softly said that there was one minute left before her money ran out.

She closed her eyes and sighed. Her lips were dry and the air was cold. Or was she cold? It was hard to tell these days. Or was it night? She pulled her jacket tighter around her.

“I’m fine. I don’t need saving, just money, ok?” she said, “Not everything’s about life or death, some things actually lie in between.”

“Yes,” the voice crackled on the line, “somethings do lie in between. You are not quite alive anymore, are you? And I’m just here waiting for the phone call that tells me when you’re finally dead.”

Click. The line went dead.

“Ma-ma?” she started, “Ma! For fuck’s sake that–”

Her swearing was abruptly broken by the clatter of coins rattling out of the phone. It sounded like broken promises bouncing through the metallic skeleton of dead dreams. She scooped them out and looked down at her life savings.

She found herself wishing that she did not exist. She did not want to die. No, she just wished that she did not exist at all.

***

After the brief burn from the needle, a comforting numbness spread through her as gravity softened and she fell right into its warm, velvet embrace. The floor lightly held her as she swayed, floating in the moment.

She closed her eyes, leaned back and drifted away into nothing. From this world into nowhere.

There were no problems, pain nor people out there. There was nothing, not even herself.

It was oblivion.

***

“You are free here,” a warm, cherry-pie voice woke her up, “You are safe here.”

She blinked and looked around her.

Her family stood there before her, just a little way ahead of her. They were all smiling, tears of joy in their eyes.

“Ma-ma?” she asked, confused.

“Yes,” said the same warm, cherry-pie voice, “Do you know where you are?”

She nodded. She smiled and got up, still looking at her family just a little ahead of her. She had not seen little Timmy for ages but he looked like he had not changed one bit. Her father looked as stern as ever, but even he was smiling and wiping back tears of joy as he held her openly-weeping mother up…

She took her first tentative step forward. It felt like she was leaving something. Tears streamed down her cheek and she sobbed with joy. It felt like she was forgetting something, but she did not care. The step became a stumble and then she was sprinting towards them.

Just a little ahead of her.

Just before she fell into an embrace with all of them, the warm, cherry-pie voice whispered into her ear. She remembered and stifled a great sob. Did it matter? There were no problems, pain nor people here. She was finally happy.

***

“Hello?” the voice on the other side of the phone asked. The line crackled a bit amidst the pause that followed.

“Am I speaking to the mother of–”

“Yes,” the voice stated on the other side of the phone, interrupting the quiet man speaking, “This has happened enough times that I know how this goes. Yes, I am her mother. Where is she?”

“I-I’m sorry, ma’am,” the quiet man’s voice paused before going on, “She has ov–passed away. We found her this morning and it took until now to confirm the identity. I’m sorry, ma’am. If there is any–”

“Thank you,” the voice said. The line crackled less but rather than sounding clearer, it just sounded more distant now, “Thank you, sir. I-I just hope she found what she was looking for. Whatever it was.”

“Wherever it was,” sighed the quiet man.

“I-I’m sorry?” the voice said, sounding strained.

“Ma’am, with respect, the only thing they are looking for is oblivion and, eventually, they all find it. If only we c–”

“Thank you,” said the voice, “No need.”

Click, and the line went dead.